Bletchley Trees 5-a Side Tournament 2008

The powers at be at BTFC decided that a 5-a Side Tourny would be a much preferable way to kick off Pre-Season Training than running round cones trying not to let the fat kid at the back of the group overtake you in the running exercises (that fat kid could be Rollings if he puts on any more weight) and it was a great tunrout particularly from the new players that Gravesy & Cloggs have been tapping up er I mean engaging in contract negotiations.

The drama of picking the names of your team-mates out of the hat was undertaken with yet again Shrek complaining about his team members perhaps not appreciating that they might not be thrilled with their choice of skipper either! But Shrek was the defending Champion and he plucked JT, Glen Newman, Gravesy & Steve Allen out of the hat.

The Lord Grey Sports Hall had also laid out a crash mat on the sidelines which some players found too tempting as they practised WWE moves on it with Oli smashing everything within a 5 mile radius with one of his jumps onto the mat.

Shrek's Ogres didn't have a great start.... or a great finish come to think of it either as they lost 2v1 to Real Ale Pattison whose team barely knew each other but seemed to gel exceptionally well with Patt, Iain, Dee and 2 other new signings John & Martin (apologies for any inaccuracies in names) making the early running, with Patt & Jon's bettering Shrek's solitary effort.

Homer's Funky Pants & Tindell's Titans battled out a 0v0 stalemate before a Bu goal earned Cloggsy's Luv My Stiffs (named after that porno he has stashed in his underwear drawer) as many wins as he recorded in the whole of last season. Homers team recorded another draw against Shrek's mob before Real Ale Pattison made it 2 wins out of 2 with Iain and Patt notching against the Rollings Stones who were looking like being the whipping boys.

Another new signing Andy Cadman scored for Luv My Stiffs as they lost out 2v3 to Tindell's Titans, and it was revealed that Andy had been researching the Club on the internet and was frankly more interested in when the next Stag Doo was rather than when the next friendly was as he trawled through the events at Dublin & Blackpool.

Real Ale Pattison's charged was halted with a 2v2 draw against the draw specialists Homer's Funky Pants with the last tournaments Top Scorer Gerrard getting off the mark in a 2v2 draw with the highlight being Homer running on without a bib and wondering why his team-mates weren't passing to him. It would be cruel to point out that they still didn't pass to him even when he put it on so I won't mention that.

Luv My Stiffs helped their Semi Final chances with Shrek's Ogres who were still struggling with Bu and a static Cloggs scoring their goals bettering JT's effort. Next was a goal fest with Tindell's Titans going joint top after smashing Rolling's Stiones 4v2 with Jervis, Oakes (2) and Tindell bagging with Dave B-H notching 2 in reply.

Real Ale Pattison continued their impressive tournament with a 2v0 win over Luv My Stiffs with new boy Jon on the scoresheet again. A wonderstrike from well inside his own half was undoubtedly the goal of the Tournamen from Nige v Shrek's Ogres, but then the lethargic one proceeded to undo all his good work by losing the ball to Gravesy who went on to equalise and then giving away a penalty. Shrek's tournament was summed up as Jervis pulled off a good save from Gravesy's pen with Gravesy later telling anyone who would listen that the last time he missed from the spot was in the 84/85 season for Water Eaton U13's.

Homer's Funky Pants needed a win to reach the Semi's (I am desperatly trying to think of a joke that incorporates the words Pants and Semi here...) and that looked odds on as their next match was against Rollings Stones who had so far looked like a collection of the worst footballers I have seen playing for BTFC ever ... and I've seen Bally play, but Dave B-H was in inspired form as he hit a hat trick and beat Homers team 3v2.

Dave then proceeded to correct me on updating the Top Goalscorers chart as it became clear that the results of the team were clearly secondary to the pursuit of personal glory in the golascorers charts. The next player to bag a hat-reick was Nige as his goals won the top of the table clash as Tindell's Titans beat Real Ale Pattison 3v2, to earn the Titans 1st place in the Group stage.

Homer's Funky Pants needed a win against Luv My Stiffs to snatch 4th spot but a Dave Bartlett goal killed off their hopes which left 4th spot to the winner of the final match between Rollings Stones & Shrek's Ogres. Rollings Stones's capped an incredible comeback after losing their first 3 games to finish 4th with a 1v0 win from 60's throwback Paul Marchant.

Semi Finals

BTFC 5-a Sides has a habit of the Top team in the Group falling at the Semi Final stage and the curse struck again as Shandy, who up to now had done less than nothing put in an inspired performance and scored 3 to stun the undefeated Titans 3v1.

The other semi Final was a tighter affair with a penalty from Jon being the difference to take Real Ale Pattison into the final against the shock finalists Rolling Stones.

The Yardley Challenge

The Yardely Challenge, Spastic Cup, Disney Cup call it what you like it all means the same, it's the battle to avoid last place in this prestigious playoff. Last seasons winning captain Shrek was battling it out against the holder of the Yardley Challeneg Homer. i'm not sure what the hell I was doing during this game but when the final whistle went i was convinced it ended up a 2v1 win for Shreks team when in fact Homer's team had sneakily bagged 2 goals while I wasn't looking to retain the Yardley Challenge Cup.

Final

Pattisons team who had been impressive all throughout the tournament were out to stop Rollings team who quite franky had been shit in their first 3 games from a remarkable Tournament victory. Rollings put his team in the lead with a deflected effort. But the youthul legs of Real Ale Pattison were too much as they ran out deserved winners after goals from Dee and Iain.

The Top Scorers Trophy was a 3 way split with Jon, Nige and Dave B-H all netting 5 times. That wrapped up another successful event so thanks to everyone who participated particularly Cloggs who probably didn't do as much as others but I missed him off the Thank You's for the End of Season Bash so this should make up for it.