The much anticipated Trees Annual 5-a Side Tournament is ranked slightly higher than the African Nationans Cup in importance according to FIFA and it was another great success with a very enjoyable Evening with a few fights involving handbags, a few shanks (from Shrek, much to the amusement of everyone) and a few thunderbolts thrown in for good measure.

The draw for the teams always throw up a mixed bag, but on this occasion the sides seemed on paper fairly even except for AC's lot (2nd Touch is a tackle) who in my opinion had as much chance as Cloggsy beating a Kenyan in the London Marathon and AC's mob were duly given 500-1 (and promptly made the final, although to be fair I did pick the eventual winners). AC also had the disadvantage of drawing out a team of guest players so he spent the forst half hoir of teh Tournament trying to work out who his players were. Shrek's team (Shrek's Donkleys) were installed as the favourites with 4 First Teamers, despite Shrek pulling a face like he had just trod in a pile of dog sh1t at plucking out the name of one of his team-mates from the hat. Home Boyz were joint favourites as Homer was looking for a repeat of last seasons triumph.

Despite Steve Allen's Team consisting of players who were either old or fat they got off to a flyer in the opening encounter, beating AC's lot 3v1 with Gus notching 2. This was followed by easily the worst game of the Tournament between Wigsey's Left Peg & Shrek's Donkeys who played out a dire 0v0 draw, livened up only by a Shrek shank and someone's shot near the end which was closer to ending up in the Basket Hoop than in the net. With Tef in goal for the Salad Dodgers they kept out the Home Boyz in the 3rd match and a Drury double got them off the mark with a 2v0 win.

AC's team were starting to look like favourties for the Yardley challenge as they were easily beaten 3v0 by Wigsey's Left Peg with Gerrard netting 2 in a 3v0 win. The Home Boyz suffered another defeat in their 2nd game with a 3v0 loss against the Shandy Lookalikes (Steve Allen's team). The first dirty game of the Tournament was next as Shrek's Donkeys drew 0v0 with Tef's Salad Dodgers. Players quickly learned that you don't try and go on the outside against Jez as he flattened anyone who tried this tactic into the boards, almost earning a yellow card in the process. The bemused look on Bruce's face as the Ref awarded a free-kick aganst him for the crime of being assaulted by Jez, was a picture. Rollings actually did a good impression of a Keeper in goal for the Donkeys, which was a pattern this year unlike in previous years where any shot on target would virtually guarentee you a goal.

Wigsey's Leg Peg were establishing themselves as the new Tournament Favourites after another convincing 3v0 win, this time against the Shandy Lookalikes. With Gerrard banging them in running round like a madman, Wigsey not banging them in running round like a madman and Edds assaulting anyone who ventured up front they were a force to be reckoned with.

Tef was also having a blinder as he had also been appearing for Wigsey's Left Peg and had yet to concede a goal, but it all went wrong as 2nd Touch is a tackle finally got off the mark with a 3v1 win. AC's deflected goal was overshadowed by getting nutmegged with a Cruyff turn by Jez and possibly the campest run of the night by Gareth.

Home Boyz also got off the mark with a 2v1 win over Shrek's Donkeys with Martin equalising Bruce's thunderbolt (I had to mention Martin's goal as he the guy looked genuinly chuffed to bits he had actually scored and looked as though his Wife was going to be in for a treat when he got home later). Martin even tried to claim that his penalty in the Shoot-out counted towards the goalscoring statistics. Iain got the winner to keep the Home Boyz in with a chance of the Semi Finals.

Next up was a 1v1 draw between the Shandylookalikes and the Salad Dodgers and a Jason Thorne goal kept Shrek's Donkeys in with a chance of the Semi Finals against 2nd Touch is a Tackle in what would be a dress rehearsal of the final. Wigsey's Left Peg kept up their relentless charge to the Semi Finals with a 2v0 win over the Home Boyz.

Shrek's Donkeys booked their place in the Semi Finals with a 1v0 win over the Shandy Lookalikes, who were also though - thanks to the worst goal of the tournament from Dave who completely shanked an effort which Gravesy could have saved easily had he bothered to face the right way as he turned his back on it expecting a blast, only for the ball to roll between his legs and into the net. It was a straight shoot-out between 2nd Touch is a tackle and Home Boyz for a chance at the final place in the Semi's and AC's lot won 3v2 with 2 goals for AC who had obviously been watching videos of Bryan Robsons performance in 1984 v Barcelona as he emulated Robson with a Captain's performance.

But AC's lot needed Wigsey's Left Peg to beat the Salad Dodgers to get through and they duly oblidged with another 3 goal win and another 2 from Gerrard who had just about won the Tournament Top Scorer Award already with his 7th goal of the Evening.

Wigsey's Left Peg were wiping the floor with everyone and had yet to concede a goal, but they were now about to lose Jon in goal and pick a player at random out of the 2 teams who had been knocked out. It looked like their name was on the trophy as they picked out.....Jon!!!

Someone had the foresight to bring along some Beers but this only made Juzza's day worse, as he had yet to score, was about to play in the Yardely Challenge and now somone had brought a shed load of Beers only to discover that it was Carlsberg, we have finally found an alcoholic drink that Juzza won't touch.

AC rallied his troops in the Semi Finals and promptly knocked out the favourites with goals from Dave, AC and Gaz as they finally worked out that by stopping Gerrard they stopped them from scoring and with a bit of what looked suspiciously like time wasting by Gaz the 2nd Touch is a Tackle team were in the Final.

The second Semi Final went more the way of the Form book as Shrek's Donkeys beat Shandy Lookalikes who after winning their first 2 games of the Tournament were now beathing out of their collective @rses. It more closely resembled a fight than a Football Match with Bruce v Steve Allen proving an interesting tussle. By this stage Cloggsy was virtually not moving and with Coxy too busy doing windmills on the floor the Donkeys ran out 4v1 winners.

The Yardley Challenge (match between 5th and 6th place) gave a chance for the Finalists to get a breather. You could see why both teams came bottom of the Group, but it finally came to life near the end and after the longest penalty shoot-out in history, Home Boyz won 8v7 on pens.

And so to the Final. We feared the worst as Shrek put his side in front only for the other captain, AC, to equalise. The Donkeys raced into a 3v1 lead and even worse Shrek was on a hat-trick, but 2nd Touch clawed it back only for the Donkeys to regain the lead at 4v3. Then controversy as Gareth got injured (or had he just had a reaction to the viagra?) and Bu stepped in and promptly equalised. But the Donkeys snatched a winner and edged it 5v4, cue a victory for Shrek's side and no doubt a phone call to his Mum. So congratulations to the winning team Rollings, Dave Adams, Bruce, JT and Shrek and thanks to everyone for making this event a success.