100
Greatest BTFC Moments
Season
2001/02
1./ Absolute Mayhem
in Trees first ever match – 3 sent off and Colin should
have made it 4 with a wicked Kung Fu kick which if you done
it in the street, would get most people 2 years in Woodhill
2/ Winning Div
2 away to Castlethorpe. Not having a clue where the ball was
as it was so dark as the ref insisted on 20 mins injury time.
3/ Pavel in goal
v Kingfisher Titans not having the foggiest where his posts
were and letting a free-kick go in which wasn’t even
nearly wide
4/ Gravesy v Gt
Horwood Res ripping into the team for only being 6v2 up at
half time. Cloggsy in his first match wondered what he had
let himself in for.
5/ Jail bait bird
away to Twyford serving chips. Probably 15 - but we didn’t
care.
Cloggsy pointing to her and shouting “Jail Bait”
in full earshot of said girl and landlord.
6/ “Stick
that up your f****** a*** you f****** inbred c****”.
Gravesy not exactly being a gracious winner away to Steeple
Claydon.
7/ Shandys sunglasses
in November
Bournemouth
8/ Gravesy asking
for a 5 item nutter (for breakfast) in a Service Station and
the girl behind the counter not having a clue what he was
going on about.
9/ Woody get thrown
out of Jumping Jacks in Bournemouth no less than 3 times,
once for stage diving
10/ Chunder throwing
up for 5 hours after a session in Bournemouth. Getting no
sympathy from the lads who decide on a 10 man bundle with
Chunder at the bottom.
11/ Woody not getting
served in a bar for wearing a football shirt so he took it
off and demanded a beer
12/ Woody ordering
a pint with a sock on his hand and calling the bartender Sockist
when he refused to serve him
13/ Wigsey not
blinking for 45 mins in a lap dancing club
14/ Jez offering
out 2 blokes because they weren’t fighting each other
properly
Nottingham
15/ Chris Flynn
on his Trees drinking debut flaking out and taking refuge
in a bus stop, with a search party spending 1.5 hrs looking
for him
16/ A p*ssed up
Woody attempting to disembark from a limo which was actually
still moving
17/ Woody (spot
a common theme here?) putting his Bud in the bin only to miss
and let it smash in front of another car
18/ Jon getting
whipped in Conrads in Nottingham with Chris Flynn’s
belt round his neck
19/ A certain Trees
player convincing a lady (?) he was Joe Cole and getting her
into a limo for a shag
Season 2002/03
20/ Wayne Fullilove
getting 3rd degree burns after the Mursley Tournament and
a week off work.
21/ Chunder managing
to convince some village idiot at the Mursley Tournament we
were Nottingham Forest’s feeder Club just because we
were wearing their kit
22/ Shandy scaring
the living daylights out of a pikeys horse retrieving the
ball v Downs Barn
23/ Cloggsy face
when Gravesy picked him at wing back
24/ Woody going
through 1 on 1 v Wing Res and not only failing to score but
smashing the pub window across the road
25/ Drury thinking
he was going to get away with playing football with gloves
on. They were in the shower 20 seconds later
26/ Eating all
the chips A v Twyford then realising they were for the home
team as well
27/ Beating Bletchley
Utd 4v2 away in the Cup. Gravesy scoring from 97 yards (distance
increases by 10 yards every season). Then taking his short
off to reveal a tan like a Scottish smack-head.
28/ Mark Eaton
claiming he was going to come on and change the game A v Stewkley.
All he did was do a foul throw.
29/ Franny shouting
out “There’s loads of them” v Downs Barn.
30/ Classic Deano
Quote – Deano – “Let’s mark them,
don’t just stand next to them”.Dave L –
“I thought standing next to them was marking them?”
First Team
03/04
31/ Drury telling
us about his first experience drinking Carlsberg Special Brew
as a Teengager “I had 2 cans, fell down the stairs and
put my head through a window”
32/ Teflon in Oceana
after Woburn away. Kate recommended he “drink a lot”
to stop the swelling in his knee after a late injury. Not
one to ignore medical advice he downed half a bottle of JD
threw up in the toilets at Oceana, - choosing to go into the
womens toilets. Then he fell asleep on the couch while everyone
drew patterns on his face with lipstick.
33/ During Crazy
Football when Jon calling ‘nuts’ on Dave Bartlett
2 seconds before actually doing it. Dave Bartlett’s
reputation as a rock in defence was momentarily in tatters.
34/ Typical Wayne Fullilove response to Tef letting in a poor
effort – “We should have laid the boot in on him”.
35/ Teflon’s
21st Birthday. He has thrown up before he even got to Pizza
Hut for the meal.
36/ Clarky asking
Just for a day off work Monday after 20 mins of running on
his debut.
37/ Teflon telling
Gavin Bacon he was “F*cking Sh*t” to his face
for missing an open goal near the end of our 4v1 win.
38/ The Wicken
forward hurling abuse at Chunda for an offside only for Dave
to respond by calling him “Kamara”.
39/ Shandy putting
on far too much sunblock on his face, leaving him looking
like Casper the friendly ghost v Castlethorpe Away. He said
“I’ll be the one laughing afterwards when you’re
all burnt”. After the game we weren’t burnt and
we were still laughing.
40/ Wormo smashing
the ball at Gravesy after the whistle had been blown then
unbelievably smashing the rebound straight in the Gaffers
face in training.
41/ Not one of Worby’s better predictions (taken from
website)
Quainton v Bletchley Trees Res
“They lost
to Sherington Res 3-2 this week, my mate plays for Sherington
and says that we can't possibly lose”
Result –
Quainton 3v1 Trees Res (Worby sent off)
42/ Drury p*ssing
in the ref’s shower after a game because there were
no urinals left
Sunday
Team 03/04
43/ (A suspended)
Scott Tomsett keeping a clean sheet in A County Cup 5th Round
match and ‘saving’ a penalty (it went wide)
44/ Carlos being
so w*nkered from the night before that he had to turn up to
the match in a taxi A v White Hart
45/ Sunday Team
v Reserves last season - Cloggsy skinning Tucker then saying
to him “Why are you still marking me when I just made
you look a complete c*nt”?
46/ Cloggs talking
to Chunda before the Halleys game after a session down the
Trees.
Chunda – “What time did you leave the Trees?”
Cloggs – “No idea, I don’t even remember
leaving. I remember drinking in the Trees then next thing
I know I was on Waynes sofa and porn was on the TV.”
47/ Asking Andy
Buchan (who lives nearby) if he knew anything about Halleys
pub team and coming out with the response – “Went
in there for a cheeky pint once when a wedding reception was
on. The landlady got up on stage, picked up the mic and announced
"would everyone please stop doing coke in the toilets".
Classy pub.”
48/ Carlos the
Jackal’s unorthodox method of marking Park Rangers’s
best player, which included 2 head high tackles (both connected
on opponents head) . Impressive when you take into account
the opponent was about 5ft 9 and wasn’t ducking for
either efforts
49/ Sunday Team
A V Olney Res: Absolutely ripping the p*ss out of the bloke
who missed the penalty in the changing room afterwards, then
realising he could hear every word we were saying in the changing
rooms.
50/ Kincaid’s
fans turning up with cans of Stella at 10am in the morning
51/ Homer making
an illegal debut (under the name of Woody), to make the identity
more believable Shandy suggested putting soap in his eyes
and developing an unbelievably poor 1st touch.
52/ Woody injurying
2 keepers on 1st day of the season – has to be some
sort of record
53/ Gravesy’s
cramp in the corner of the pitch v BWE .We thought he was
p*ssing about until he lay there motionless for 5 mins.
54/ County Cup
Quarter Final. The opposing team locking the changing room
while Franny was on the sh*tter. Sadly no-one was present
to watch Franny, with his shorts round his ankle bang on the
door with a turtle head hanging out of his ars*hole.
55/ Drury &
Cloggs cracking open beers on the team coach before the County
Cup Semi Final - and they were both in the starting line up
56/ Another certain
Trees player telling the barmaid he loved her at the Crown
after the semi-final, having known her for all of 2 minutes.
57/ Woody being
kicked out by the Bouncers in Lloyds at 10pm after the semi-final
and no-one flinching we were that battered
58/ Farmer getting
kicked out of Yate’s for dancing on the tables a bit
later
59/ Shandy being
battered in Oceana before the title decider v Olney and getting
his lovepiece out before 10pm
60/ Tef (also Club
Secretary) throwing up twice before the same game
61/ County Cup
Final
62/ Chunder shouting
at Drury to “stop playing like a c*nt” v Loughton
(H) , great tactical advise, straight from the Mike Bassett
school of management.
63/ Cloggsy’s
missus packing his bags as he was leaving to play a game he
wasn’t supposed to play in
64/ Franny scoring
a penalty and looking really composed in doing so
Dublin
65/ Woody shouting
“Alright Skip” to everyone in Birmingham. Cloggsy
telling him to shut up as most people in Birmingham carry
a gun
66/ Clearly battered
Gravesy jumping on Chunders neck in a Lap Dancing Club
67/ A certain Trees
player claiming his mates would pay for his lap dance, with
his mates having no idea about such a claim.
68/ Gravesy leaving
a Birmingham Nightclub with only 1 button intact on a £65
Shirt
69/ Shandy asking
Cloggs to translate a response from an Irish Bartender.
70/ Buddah suffering
badly from the double parked rule, and taking a 7 hour bath
with no bath water when he got back
71/ Shandy being
asked to step down from the podium after dancing like he was
on drugs for 10 mins
72/ Cloggsy and
Chunder snorting Brandy through their nose
73/ Shandy piling
into a group of Welsh Rugby Players singing “Swing Low
Sweet Chariot”
74/ Classic Shandy
Quotes - If any girl turns me down, it will be the worst career
move she has ever made” and “I have to say that
I’m the best looking nickelpiece in this team”
75/ Steve Allen
pulling birds who lived nowhere within a 20 mile radius of
Dublin
Blackpool
76/ Shandy getting
his kegs down on stage10 mins after arriving in Blackpool
77/ A ‘Masseuse’
telling a Trees player to ‘Hurry Up’
78/ Banging on
the door of room 118 shouting “Got your number”
every night at 3am
79/ Gus having
more shakes than Muhammad Ali
80/ Shandy being
so battered he tried to put vinegar on his cornflakes
81/ Even Some Downs
Syndrome bloke laughing at Shandy & Chunder Handcuffed
together
82/ A Trees player
playing tonsil tennis with a bird only to have a load of snot
come flying out of his nose
83/ Trees player
getting pubes ripped out on stage by a lucky females teeth
84/ Doing a dentists
chair on the Tower Lounge dance floor at 2pm
85/ Rounds costing
£87 and us still thinking that was cheap
86/ Shrek falling
into the bath and Cloggsy laughing too much to call for help
87/ Just knocking
up every resident in the hotel escaping from a rape victim
(unproven)
88/ Chunder attempting
to escape doing a flaming sambuca by chucking it over his
shoulder, then being forced to snort one up each nostril as
punishment. Shandy having to do it as well for no other reason
than it was funny.
89/ Lifting Franny
into a Pizza shop over the counter
90/ 8 lads scraping
their nails down Woodys bare back making him bleed
91/ Chunder and
Shandy getting stripped naked at 4pm in Blackpool Town Centre
Gt Yarmouth
92/ Killer walking
into a lampost while in middle of hurling abuse to a Chav
93/ Woody dropping
his trousers to a bouncer in an attempt to prove he wasn’t
p*ssed
94/ Trees first
tag-team wrestling match in the bar at 4am in the bar of the
Hotel in Gt Yarmouth
95/ Cloggsy ordering
£48 worth of Bacon Butties then refusing to pay
96/ Trees player
pulling a Lithuanian Drug Lords wife who had no grasp of English
whatsoever
97/ Stripping Deano
naked then running off scared afterwards
98/ Kiler’s
ars* slapping antics
99/ Just striptease
with a sock attached to his nob
100/ Shandy threatening
to ‘cut up’ some Algerians after 2 Hofmeister’s
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